How to Bring Up the Topic of Masturbation and Sex Toys with Friends

How to Talk About Masturbation & Sex Toys with Friends

Let’s be real — talking about masturbation and sex toys with friends can feel… weird. For some people, it’s no big deal. For others, it’s like bringing up politics at Thanksgiving — awkward.
But here’s the thing: sexual health and pleasure are normal. The more we treat them like normal topics, the less “taboo” they feel.

If you’ve been thinking about bringing it up with your friends but aren’t sure how to do it without making it awkward, here’s my take.

1. Get Your Own Head Straight First

Before you even think about starting the conversation, check in with yourself.

  • Are you comfortable talking about it?

  • Why do you want to bring it up?

  • Are there things you don’t want to share or hear?

If you’re still feeling shy or embarrassed, that’s fine. But figure out where your comfort line is — it’ll make the conversation go a lot smoother.

2. Pick the Right Time & Place

Don’t blurt it out in a crowded coffee shop. Don’t bring it up at your friend’s kid’s birthday party.
Pick a spot where everyone can talk without worrying who’s listening. A relaxed hangout, a car ride, a wine night — all better options. Keep the atmosphere private and friendly.

3. Ease Into It

You don’t have to come in hot with “So, what vibrator are you using?”
Instead, you can:

  • Mention something funny or interesting you saw in a show or movie.

  • Ask a light, general question: “Ever tried one?”

  • Share your own experience if you’re comfortable: “I bought this new toy… game changer.”

Humor and curiosity go a long way toward breaking the ice.

4. Make It Normal

Sex toys and masturbation are part of sexual health. Period.
You can say something like, “It’s funny how people still treat this like a secret, but it’s just self-care.”
And if someone isn’t into it? Totally fine. The goal isn’t to make everyone start shopping — it’s to make it okay to talk about.

5. Use Media as a Wingman

Sometimes it’s easier to start with “I read this…” or “I heard this podcast…” instead of jumping right into your own story.
Books, shows, podcasts — they give you a neutral jumping-off point.

6. Respect Boundaries

Not everyone wants to share. If your friend shuts it down, let it go.
Also, you don’t need the details — this isn’t about gathering intel, it’s about making the conversation possible.

7. Expect All Kinds of Reactions

Some people will laugh and open up immediately.
Some will ask curious questions.
Some will want to change the subject.
It’s all good — the conversation will land where it’s meant to.

8. Share Resources, Not Pressure

If someone’s curious, point them toward books, podcasts, or sites you trust.

  • Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

  • The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides

  • Podcast: Sex with Emily

  • Website: OMGYes

Talking about sex toys and masturbation doesn’t have to be a big deal. Keep it respectful, read the room, and remember — the more we talk about sexual health openly, the healthier and more comfortable we all get.

 

January 24, 2025
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